Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
