I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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