Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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