Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
