you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
