oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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