shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You ruined the universe
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
