What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
