The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
