There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
