then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
