My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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