I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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