I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
