I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
