you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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