so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
