If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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