the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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