SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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