so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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