the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize