Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
