Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
