I smell stomach acid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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