last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
