I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
