You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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