i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
