I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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