is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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