hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
