Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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