I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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