I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you