i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sorry my hands just texted you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation