I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say