cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.