so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax