grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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