That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
