omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
