So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
