what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.