i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life