so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
