why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness