Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach