we're blogging at a bar
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
