Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize