I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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