i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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