I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
