Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
