The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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