tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
