Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
