Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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