Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
