forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
