Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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