so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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