Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
