Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize