watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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