so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
